You're Much More Attractive When You're Not Textually Harrassing Me

The New York Times ran an article today about Teen Dating Abuse, its second in the last month, discussing what is being dubbed "Digital Dating Violence" -- abusive and stalking behaviors, predominately happening between teenagers, that involve social networking sites, text messages and naked pics sent via email and cell phones.

Some of the key problems with teen dating abuse is that teens often don't know what to consider "normal" behavior. Is it okay that their boyfriend sends them text messages every hour? Is it a reasonable request for someone to want naked pictures of you? These are things that the Ad Council and Thatsnotcool.com aim to correct -- helping young people understand what is okay and what is unhealthy.

Abuse behaviors like these in teenagers can be indicators of domestic violence abusers in adulthood.

Thatsnotcool.com is a new website with a new campaign. PSA's in conjunction with the website begin airing on Feb. 9.

You're Much More Attractive When You're Not Textually Harrassing Me

Your Relationship Rights

• The right to good will from the other.
• The right to emotional support.
• The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
• The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
• The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
• The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
• The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.
• The right to live free from accusation and blame.
• The right to live free from criticism and judgment.
• The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
• The right to encouragement.
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.
• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.
• The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
• The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

Thanks to University of Illinois Counseling Department.

Your Relationship Rights

42 % Increase in Domestic Violence

"The National Crime Victimization Survey, based on projections from a national sample survey, says that at least 248,300 individuals were raped or sexually assaulted in 2007, up from 190,600 in 2005, the last year the survey was conducted. The study surveyed 73,600 individuals in 41,500 households. Among all violent crimes, domestic violence, rape, and sexual assault showed the largest increases. Except for simple assault, which increased by 3 percent, the incidence of every other crime surveyed decreased." - excerpt taken from an article by The Human Rights Watch

42 % Increase in Domestic Violence

Stopping Teen Dating Abuse

A recent article by The New York Times discusses why there is a greater focus on teen dating abuse now then ever before. According to the article, this may be because of an increase in murders of teens by their boyfriends in the last year. Furthermore, cell phones and the internet provide new vehicles for abuse which did not exist in the same way 10, or even 5, years ago.

New approaches to the problem are being adopted by school systems and state legislation which promote awareness of dating abuse behaviors and provide greater legal protection for victims. For example, the Lindsay Ann Burke Act in Rhode Island, which we previously blogged about, requires public schools to teach about dating violence in middle and high schools.

If you are a teen in need of help, or you know someone who is, you can visit WomensLaw.org for legal information about your state which may help you figure out options for your situation.

Stopping Teen Dating Abuse

Government Underestimating Cases of Domestic Violence

New methodology being used by the Department of Justice to measure crime rates has revealed that the cases of domestic violence and sexual assault previously reported may have been underestimated. With new techniques such as interviewing those in rural areas and more personal statements taken into account, the latest numbers reveal much higher rates of domestic violence than reported in the past. (Thanks for WomenseNews for the update!)

This rate increase could also be accounted for by the increase in unemployment which has shown to increase violence in the homes. See past post "Domestic Violence Increases with Unemployment".

The advantage of more accurately measuring the numbers of domestic violence and sexual assault cases is that it will hopefully put increased pressure on the Obama Administration to address the problem of violence against women in this country accordingly, by providing more funding and greater attention to the issues at hand.

Government Underestimating Cases of Domestic Violence

Are Narcissists Abusers?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, according to the DSMIV, is categorized by "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy." Narcissists are incredibly self centered and can be very manipulative and controlling. They will do nearly anything to get what they want from someone, and since they lack the ability to feel empathy, (defined as "the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another"), they can be very hurtful to those around them.

When we talk about domestic violence, commonly defined as one person getting and keeping power of control over another, we are normally referring to direct verbal and physical abuse, but there are many ways in which one person manipulates and controls another without using violence.

The popular reality MTV show, The Hills, shows Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (photo below) who are a great example of how a narcissist can be abusive to someone.

Over the course of The Hills, Spencer meets Heidi and they begin dating. Early on in their relationship she catches him cheating on her, but then he wins her back and so begins their relationship. He convinces her that all her friends are terrible people out to get her, and even blames the cheating behavior on Heidi's best friend Lauren. (Remember that a narcissist never believes he or she is at fault - it is always some one else's problem.) Eventually Spencer causes so much drama between Heidi and her friends that Heidi stops having friends all together and moves in with Spencer, at his insistence. Other problems arise as Spencer pushes Heidi to get engaged and then get married. Over the course of their relationship Heidi becomes more and more isolated from her life and even her job, after Spencer says something offensive to her bosses and has her fired. Although Spencer's behavior on the show can be sweet and loving to Heidi, he is ultimately very manipulative and controlling of her.

To watch full episodes of The Hills you can go to this link: http://www.mtv.com/ontv/dyn/the_hills/series.jhtml

Are Narcissists Abusers?

WomensLaw.org Volunteers are Wonderful!

Volunteers from across the country work with WomensLaw.org to help us update our resources, like shelters, courthouses, sheriff departments and legal aid listings for every single state, DC, Guam and the Virgin Islands. Our volunteers use the phone and internet to make sure the phone numbers and addresses are correct, which takes a lot of time and energy. We are so grateful for them! If you are interested in volunteering you can contact Nina at Nina@WomensLaw.org for more information.

WomensLaw.org Volunteers are Wonderful!